People in love make me want to vomit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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