I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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