You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
