I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
