my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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