there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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