either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
