i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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