Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
