Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
