I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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