why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
