I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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