Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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