the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
