is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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