I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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