the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
