So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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