i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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