OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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