you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As shirtless as possible
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
