Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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