i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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