i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
