I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
