in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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