I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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