I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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