a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
