The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
