I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
