why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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