i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
