If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
