I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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