I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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