There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
