apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
