grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
