after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will pee on everything he values.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
