Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
