you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
