My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
