have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
