The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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