Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
