Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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