I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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