The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
