I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
