So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
