Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize