You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
