I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
