is your mom at the bar?
My hand turned me down
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
