HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
