apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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