i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
