so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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