im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
