i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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