oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize