I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize