oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am one with the molecules
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
