Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
