It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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