The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
