Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
