Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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