so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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