I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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