Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
