May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
